Culture and Lifestyle
Coming out later in life: How to support elderly queers? 

Coming out later in life: How to support elderly queers? 

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Coming out later in life

Coming out later in life can be a lonely journey. The fear of judgment, rejection, and discrimination can be overwhelming. But there’s nothing more liberating than to be true to yourself and embrace your identity. As a society, we must create a safe and supportive environment for our elderly queers. They deserve to live their lives authentically, surrounded by love and acceptance. 

This post will explore different ways to support older adults coming out late in life, from creating safe spaces to offering emotional support. We hope this post can help you understand the challenges that elderly LGBTQI+ members face and provide some insights on how to support them through this journey.  

Coming out as an older adult: what’s it like? 

Coming out as an older adult can be a complex and challenging process, often involving a range of emotions and considerations that may not be present for younger individuals. Many seniors may have spent their entire lives suppressing their true sexual or gender identity, either due to societal pressures or personal fears. As a result, coming out later in life may involve a significant amount of self-reflection, introspection, and the need to navigate potentially difficult relationships with family members, friends, and coworkers. 

One of the key challenges of coming out as an older adult is the fear of rejection or ostracism from loved ones and social networks. Many older adults may have built up deep relationships with friends and family members, and the fear of losing these connections can be a significant barrier to coming out. Additionally, older adults may face unique challenges related to their age, such as a lack of visibility or support within the LGBT+ community or concerns about how coming out may impact their retirement or financial security. 

Despite these challenges, many older adults who come out report feeling a sense of liberation and relief as they can finally live authentically. They may also find that they can connect with others in new and meaningful ways, building a sense of community and support that they may have previously lacked. 

Ultimately, coming out as an older adult is a deeply personal decision that will depend on a range of individual factors, including personal values, relationships, and life circumstances. 

What are the challenges of coming out later in life? 

Coming out as LGBTQ+ late in life can be an intensely complex process. Some of the biggest challenges of coming out later in life include: 

1. Generational differences 

Older adults may have grown up in a time when being LGBTQ+ was less accepted and understood. As a result, they may face more resistance or misunderstanding from their peers and family members. 

2. Established relationships 

Coming out later in life may mean that an older adult has already built a life with a partner, children, and family members. It can complicate the coming out process, as it may involve redefining these relationships and navigating potential conflicts. 

3. Internalized stigma 

Some older adults may have grown up in a time when being LGBT+ was widely stigmatized or even criminalized. That can lead to internalized feelings of shame or self-hatred, which can be difficult to overcome even when an individual is ready to come out. 

4. Ageism 

Ageism within the LGBTQ+ community can make it more difficult for older adults to find support and understanding from their peers. They may feel like they are not taken seriously or that their experiences are invalidated because of their age.  

5. Financial concerns 

Coming out may have financial implications for older adults, particularly if they rely on support from family members or are worried about workplace discrimination. 

6. Access to resources 

Older adults may have less access to LGBTQ+-specific resources and support services, particularly if they live in rural areas or smaller communities. 

How to support a family member coming out later in life? 

Supporting a family member who comes out later in life can be an important and meaningful experience for both you and your loved one. Here are some ways to offer your support and understanding: 

1. Listen without judgment 

When someone comes out to you, it is important to listen actively and without judgment. They may have been struggling with their identity for a long time, and opening up to you takes courage. Offer a listening ear and try to put yourself in their shoes to truly understand their feelings and experiences. 

2. Offer your love and support 

Make it clear that your love and support for them is unconditional and not dependent on their sexual orientation or gender identity. Let them know that you are there for them, no matter what. 

3. Respect their privacy 

Coming out is a personal decision, and it’s important to respect your family member’s privacy. Do not share their news with others without their consent and allow them to take the lead on when and how they choose to come out to others. 

4. Educate yourself 

Take the time to learn about LGBTQ+ issues and the challenges that individuals may face. This will help you better understand your family member’s experiences and offer more informed support. There are plenty of resources available online, as well as support groups and organizations, that can provide valuable information. 

5. Be patient 

Coming out later in life may mean that your elderly loved one is still processing their feelings and figuring out their identity. Be patient and give them the time and space they need to explore their true selves. 

5. Encourage open communication 

Keep the lines of communication open and make it clear that you are available to talk and provide support whenever they need it. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings with you and be prepared to listen and offer your guidance and understanding. 

6. Offer practical support 

Depending on your family member’s situation, they may need help with various aspects of their life as they come out, such as finding LGBTQ+-friendly healthcare providers or support groups. Offer to help them with these tasks or research resources for them. 

7. Advocate for them 

If your family member is facing discrimination or harassment for their sexual persuasion or gender identity, it’s important to advocate for them and speak out against this behavior. This can involve calling out discriminatory comments or behavior or working with your family member to seek out legal or other forms of support. 

LGBT older adults in long-term care facilities 

LGBT older adults in long-term care facilities may face unique challenges related to their sexuality or gender identity. These challenges can include discrimination, social isolation, and a lack of culturally competent care. But the good news is that there are many LGBTQ-friendly retirement communities in the US that provide quality care and an inclusive living environment for residents. 

Here are some of the steps long-term care facilities can take to ensure a more welcoming and supportive environment for LGBT older adults: 

  • Encouraging staff to use inclusive language that recognizes the diversity of sexual orientations and gender identities. 
  • Providing education and training to staff on LGBTQI+ issues and the unique needs of LGBTQI+ older adults. 
  • Creating an environment that celebrates diversity and promotes inclusivity, such as through rainbow flags or other LGBTQI+ symbols. 
  • Offering support groups or other opportunities for LGBT residents to connect with one another and form a sense of community. 
  • Encouraging residents to be open about their sexual orientation and to advocate for themselves if they experience discrimination or mistreatment. 

Final thoughts 

Coming out later in life presents unique challenges and considerations. By seeking support, taking their time, and being prepared for a range of reactions, older adults can navigate this experience successfully and embrace their authentic selves. It’s important to remember that everyone’s journey is different, and there’s no right or wrong way to come out as an elderly. 

We hope that this post has shed some light on the steps that can be taken to improve the lives of LGBT older adults. We must come together as a society to create a more inclusive and welcoming environment for all members of the LGBT community, regardless of age. By doing so, we can ensure everyone can live their lives to the fullest, with dignity and respect. 


  • How to accept your sexuality? 

Accepting your sexuality can be a difficult and complex process, and it can take time and self-reflection to come to terms with your identity. Here are some steps you can take to begin accepting your sexuality: 

  1. Acknowledge your feelings and attractions, even if they may be different from what you assumed or what society expects of you. 
  2. Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist to process your feelings. 
  3. Educate yourself to better understand your own feelings and experiences.  
  4. Involve in activities like exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature to promote self-care. 
  5. Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and self-affirming beliefs. 
  • What are some helpful tips on coming out later in life? 

For older adults who are considering coming out or have recently come out, here are some tips to help navigate this process: 

  1. Seek support: It’s important to find a support network, whether that’s through friends, family, or LGBTQ+ organizations. Connecting with other older adults who have gone through a similar experience can be particularly helpful. 
  2. Take your time: Coming out is a personal journey, and there’s no need to rush the process. Give yourself the time and space to explore your identity and figure out how you want to share your experience with others. 
  3. Be prepared for a range of reactions: People may react differently to your coming out, and it’s important to be prepared for a range of emotions and responses. Some may be supportive, while others may struggle with the news. It’s important to remember that you can’t control how others react, but you can control how you respond to their reactions. 
  4. Find resources: Seek out resources specifically designed for older adults in the LGBTQ+ community, such as support groups, social events, and educational materials. 
  5. Practice self-care: Coming out can be an emotionally challenging experience, so it’s important to prioritize self-care and seek professional help if needed, such as therapy or counseling. 

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